Can a Ninja get a table dance?

Turns out, the only downside to being a six-foot tall, sewer-dwelling amphibian is that you'd probably never get laid.

Now, of course the turtles CAN have sex, but with whom? Other turtles? Completely out of the question... too small, too weird.  And humans... well, without even attempting to address the staggering moral conundrum that would exhaust even the most open-minded, the fact remains that turtles have crazy weird penises. They're humungous and misshapen and if they were to mutate proportionately with a human-sized turtle... well, god help us all.

So, what in the hell are they gonna do? They're teenagers, dripping with hormones. They're all completely obsessed with April. Mikey, without even trying, successfully manages to steal some dude's date at the "Dockshore Club." They're all these muscular, funny, charming, interesting, and seemingly normal dudes, who have 3-foot-long slimy spikes instead of wieners. I reckon it's not easy being green.

Can we all remember our teen years? The awkwardness, the insecurities, the questions, the horniness... MY GOD, THE HORNINESS. Now imagine that during those years, you must come to grips with the fact that you are a giant turtle. You are not only unusual, but one of only four creatures like yourself in the whole universe... and these creatures are all male, and most likely your brothers (well, except for Venus de Milo, but she's stupid).

Is being a bad-ass vigilante mutant enough to counterbalance the fact that you will never ever get any?